Learning to Love What You See in the Mirror

Learning to Love What You See in the Mirror: Look, I know the title of this blog might make you roll your eyes. No hard feelings, there was a time in my life when I would have done the same! I know it might feel like you have always hated your fat, cellulite, wrinkles, or stretch marks. But the truth is, these beliefs are learned, and you haven’t always felt this way.

Have you ever seen a baby notice their reflection for the first time, in absolute awe of themselves? Or maybe a young girl showing off her new dress with utmost confidence she looks beautiful? This is proof that we are not born hating our bodies or ourselves!

Do you currently look in the mirror, and instantly hone in on your “flaws and imperfections” until you can’t see anything outside of that? Maybe it’s your thighs that you think are too big, or your cellulite on your bum, or your lower belly pooch. Whatever it is, it is not inherently bad, you have just been taught that it is.

Here is the thing about body image. It is just a collection of thoughts that you have picked up over your life and thought so many times that they seem like objective truths. If you take some time to think it over, you may be able to pinpoint where some of your negative thoughts about your body came from.

When it comes to our beliefs, they begin in one of two ways. One, something you learned subconsciously, like watching movies and reading magazines growing up filled with seemingly flawless people making you believe your frizzy hair or your soft tummy were problems to be fixed. Or two, a more obvious traumatic event like a parent telling you to watch what you eat so that you don’t get fat, teaching you that being fat would somehow make you less beautiful or worthy of love. No matter where these beliefs came from, they are just that, BELIEFS, they are not facts!!

Now that you know a bit about what has formed your body image, and that it is not your fault that you feel this way, we can work to change it! I have 5 concrete steps to help you move past this and into a life that is no longer filled with self loathing and insecurity.

Step 1 – Reflection and Awareness

What do you currently hate about what you see in the mirror? Write them all out on paper. This step is difficult, but the #1 step to improving any negative belief is to be aware of it first. Once you have them all written down I want you to reflect on when and where you picked up this negative belief. Was it subconscious? Like a slow trickling in of negative messaging from the world around you. Or conscious? Tied to a negative memory when you were taught to feel shame for who you are. Look over this list with curiosity for what might not be the cold hard truth after all.

Step 2 – Gratitude

What are you grateful to your body for? Some ideas could be, allowing you to experience positive emotions, do your favorite hobbies, or taste yummy food. Make a list, and keep adding to it over a few days, or weeks if you want. The longer the better! Keep this list handy and read frequently.

Bringing yourself back to gratitude for what you body does allows you to stop thinking of your body as an ornament (something to be admired for its beauty) and start thinking of it as an instrument (a tool that allows you to move through the human experience in whatever way feels best).

Step 3 – Shift to the Positive

What do you LIKE about how you look? If that’s too hard, think of something that you are just neutral about. Maybe you like your eyes, your toes or the freckle on your elbow. It can literally be ANYTHING no matter how small. I want you to write 1-3 things down onto sticky notes and put them on your mirror. When you look in the mirror, really hone in on these things you came up with.

Remember when we talked about how you hone in on your perceived flaws until that’s all you can see? This is proof you already know how to do this step, we’re just shifting this skill set to something more positive. Stare at that darn freckle on your elbow and think about all the reasons why you like it or feel neutral about it. Practice this as often as possible, and if you find yourself thinking of more things you like (which you will) add them to the mirror!

Step 4 – Self Care is Not Selfish

Be honest, how much time in a day do you spend doing things that are just for you. Things that make you feel relaxed, happy, beautiful or uplifted? My guess is, not much. I know it can feel hard to make time for these things, and even harder to actually relax and enjoy them without guilt when you do make time. But this is imperative to your self love journey.

Practicing regular self care teaches your body and your brain that you are a priority and worthy of feeling loved and beautiful! Think about what you do that makes you feel good, maybe it’s a face mask, getting your nails done, or a Starbucks latte. No matter what it is for you, if it makes you feel good you need to be making time for it in your life. Caring for yourself, and investing in your wellness is not selfish. In fact, it better equips you to support those around you and to show up for them in the ways that you want to.

My hope is that you will pick one small thing each day to carve into your schedule that is just for you and I promise you will reap the benefits. Make sure when you’re doing this, that you are as present as possible and if you catch yourself feeling guilty, shut it down by reminding yourself that self care is not selfish! If you spend your “ME” time feeling guilty you have just wasted that time and won’t notice the positive effects – so you might as well enjoy it if you’re going to make time for it right?!

Step 5 – Curate your Social Media

Social media is a powerful tool, one that most people don’t utilize to bring more positive energy into their lives. The greatest thing about social media is being able to curate it to suit what you want to see, and what makes you feel good! If you find that scrolling through your social media is impacting how you feel about your life or your body, it’s time for an overhaul! First, unfollow or mute accounts that don’t make you feel good. I know it can be awkward, especially if it’s someone you know, but the truth is, it doesn’t mean anything negative about them or what they are posting. It can just mean that it triggers feelings of wanting to change yourself, or your life. Next, follow people who look like you to remind you you’re not alone, and ALSO people from a variety of different backgrounds to remind you that diversity is normal. What our brain sees most often is what it believes is “normal” so it’s only natural that when all we see is size 0 tall, toned and tanned models that we start to believe that’s what we should look like and something is wrong with us if we don’t. This is one of the easiest steps you can take to improve how you feel about what you see in the mirror, and it works FAST. Social media is powerful, and if you are spending lots of time scrolling – this is necessary to overhaul your body image and start loving what you see in the mirror. If you need any help finding who to follow, check out my website for recommendations under “resources”.

I hope these tips have helped you to see that your confidence is something you can improve, without actually changing your body. And more than that, I hope it has helped you see that you are worth the effort! I don’t care how long you have hated your body, you are not a lost cause and these steps can help you too.